McFlurries & Faeces Nightclub

The Dog's Blog

13 Dec 2007
McFlurries & Faeces Nightclub
Life's great - I went to Faeces last night and now I've got a new fiancee... it's love this time!

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Happy Christmas!!!

And I have a special treat for you all. After receiving literally 2 or 3 letters begging me, I have finally done one. My first calendar shoot. My Dad can’t wait to buy a load of copies and then he admitting that he’d been sending me the letters, how funny! It’s all very tasteful and Gav managed to paint over the rash with Bisto (Roast Beef) before he took the photos to the library to photocopy so you can’t see any spots or nothing. He’s my new manager, he owns his own mobile video van, ‘cept it’s not videos it’s dvds now. And he makes his own too, he says I can be the main star in the next one. It’s a nature film or something coz he’s wanting to borrow a couple of large Alsatians, I said that my uncle Dave had an Alsatian called ‘Queenie’ but he wanted boy ones, they must act better or something.

So, he says to me, ‘Julie, let’s get yer norks out for a calendar’, he’s always calling me silly names, he’s so funny. I think I’m going to marry him, I don’t believe in long engagements and seeing how we met at Faeces last Thursday I’m expecting a ring any day to go with the ‘Gav’ tattoo on my ankle. I even introduced him to my babies, my pugs, Tinky-Winky, Laa-Laa, Dipsy and Po. It was awful about Po though, I have to get her put down. She isn’t old or nothing, but she was looking at my Gav a bit funny, bitch. He’s mine and I’ll fuck with anyone or anything that tries it on. Still, I’ll get a nice tattoo of her on my back when I get back from the vets.

Anyway, Gav decided to take some photos of me, what with me being a model. I was draped over the table, legs akimbo with just a McFlurry hiding my minge. It was Crunchie flavoured, so was my minge last Christmas when I sat on a selection box at the Children’s Ward in the hospital when I was doing my charity work. They didn’t know I was coming and when they escorted me out, I tripped onto this pile of boxes lucky for me the gyney ward was next door. The doctor managed to remove a Crunchie and a Curly-Wurly, I think he fancied me but he was one of those foreign ones so I couldn’t understand him much. He kept smiling and saying, ‘Jestes tania kurwa’, so I just nodded and offered him a blowjob instead. I didn’t even know about the Finger of Fudge until I got home and fancied a poo. At least I think it was a Finger of Fudge. It might have been a Double Decker. That’d be funny as my ex used to go on about my arse and a double decker, he must have been psychic or something. My Mum says that these things wouldn’t happen to me if I wore knickers but I think it’s more hygienic not to, it might stop all these infections I keep getting if I let the wind waft around my flaps. Anyway this fat bitch sets about me In MacDonalds, on and on and on about being disrespectful and that with kids about, I pointed to my tits and said ‘well what if I was breast-feeding? Would you complain then?’ I emphasised this by sucking on my left nipple. That soon shut her up. The way some women let themselves go, she must have been at least a size 12 for fucks sake.

Well that’s me as Miss January sorted. He hasn’t done any of the others yet but he took some saucy film of me looking sexy. Fingering myself on a table in Wetherspoons, he didn’t have his camera handy so he took it on his mobile and texted it off to about 15 or so producers he says he knows, they must have liked it as he was getting texts all night and laughing away like anything! I asked him what they said but he told me ‘Jane, it’s private business, get your head back under the table, finish the gobble then get me another pint’. So I did. You haters will be so jealous when I’m a huge star.

Funny thing though, I haven’t heard from him in days. He must be in talks or something.

Love you all!!! Except the fat bitches and the gays and the haters xxxxxx